When I was younger, about 6th grade (11 years old), I always wanted to be an IT girl. I watched and listened to the boys admire ‘these girls’ and I wondered why? Why don’t they admire me like that? Why don’t I get the attention ‘these girls’ receive? Stupid enough to believe that if I too had a big butt, I too had these shoes and those jeans, I would be IT, too.
No, honey! You won’t be IT. You are IT.
As I grew older, I looked for ways to make myself feel pretty. “Color your hair. Wax your eyebrows. Wear tight hip-huggers and itty bitty shirts to show off your sexy hip line and those back dimples.”
But no boy is going to ‘love’ you. ‘He’ will admire your physique, but not those pretty brown button eyes. ‘He’ will adore and feel your insides, but not the way I would. See, I love your big lips, gap teeth and all, your straight nose and soft cheeks, pretty brown button eyes. I don’t want to adore or feel your insides. I will admire your physique for it IS beautiful, but I wouldn’t spoil it like ‘him.’ I’d care for it, preserve it, show it off. ‘He’ can’t ‘love’ you like me. Put ‘him’ to the side and let me love you.
Usually I live in the moment. But one night, April 20-21, 2014, to be exact, time stood still. That night, alone in my room, I spent nine hours evaluating myself, my bank account, my life, my actions and the consequences to come.
I sat before the Marilyn Monroe calendar I had made, each month a different inspiring picture with a different, personally meaningful quote I’d researched and selected on the Internet…
And I entered a zone in which I was hyperfocused…
(Full disclosure: I had taken Adderall; hyperfocus is its purpose.)
Here is what my calendar looked like when I was done…
This is what Adderall made me do: 3 AM 4/21-14
I finally learned to love ME! & I’m slowly finding who I am…
THINGS TO CHANGE…
respecting home & family & appreciating life
coming home late (come home after school;
8 pm Sun–Thurs; 1 am Fri–Sat)
PRIORITIES…
Building my bond back with family
Get back to the old MYMY that everyone misses
Independence
Write poem about what life means to me
You’ve got yourself: don’t ever forget & don’t fall for anyone
CLEAN ROOM…
Khakis & look for job
Work now; party in college
You got it girl = almost there
Blood, sweat & tears = success
From this day, I will go hard until graduation
& no one will stop me.
SELF ADVICE…
You’ve been through it all.
Hopefully I’ll read this one day & actually use it!
Remember!!! If they try to bring you down,
they’re already beneath you
A party isn’t a party without success,
‘cause what are you celebrating?
PEP TALK…
LET’S GO: what you waiting for?
Oh you have an opinion on my life?
And what have you done for me?
Find your self, be happy & prosper.
Make yourself proud.
Only people that matter:
Me
Mommy, Celena & family
Period.
Stamford Academy staff:
shout out to them for helping me strive:
& last but not least: ME
Nobody can tell me about Myesha; only she truly knows herself;
EXACTLY!
LETTER OF MOTIVATION, INSPIRATION & LOVE
Dear Myesha:
Whenever you start to slack off (I hope you don’t ever again)
READ THIS WHOLE PAGE for me:
Time don’t wait for nobody.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED SINCE THEN…
I’ve learned about how fast life can go by and can be taken away from you;
I’ve learned that everything you do TODAY will affect you in the future; you might not notice it but it WILL come back, because what goes around comes around full course;
I have learned that I have to take every day at a time, worry about today and not tomorrow and while I do that, I also need to take everything seriously and keep focused on MYSELF;
I have also learned that I cannot blame anybody for my actions. Everything that has happened to me is completely my responsibility;
I’ve learned to love myself, and, trust me, I DO. I don’t care about anyone’s opinion. I don’t look for acceptance. I just live, and live for Myesha. Who cares if ‘they’ don’t like me? I LOVE me, and I don’t need anyone else to love me.
AND IN THE FUTURE?
I would like to continue and strive, work hard and apply my full potential
I am capable of making honor roll, I am capable of getting a full scholarship, I am capable of being a productive college student, and I am capable of receiving a Bachelor’s or even a graduate degree.
I refuse to believe that I cannot be successful; I will go to college and I will succeed/
I want a Bachelors of Science in RN. I would like to go to back to school after that and study law or more medicine.
